The Beginner Photography Podcast

496: Alison Conklin: From Grief to Gratitude: The Healing Power of Authentic Photography

• Raymond Hatfield

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In this episode, I chat with Wedding photographer Alison Conklin, an incredibly resilient and passionate photographer whose story truly redefines the art of capturing memories. Alison opened up about her remarkable journey, from overcoming serious health challenges to emphasizing the raw emotional authenticity in her work. She shared some deeply personal experiences that really highlight the importance of creating meaningful and lasting images.

THE BIG IDEAS

  • Emotional Authenticity: Focus on capturing genuine emotions over technical perfection; let the moments speak for themselves and create timeless memories.
  • Personal Storytelling: Shoot from your own honest perspective; this personal touch makes your work stand out and resonate more with viewers.
  • Embrace Challenges: View setbacks and personal struggles as experiences that can fuel your creativity and storytelling in photography.
  • Celebrating Life: Use your camera as a tool to celebrate and preserve life’s fleeting moments, making each photo a heartfelt story.

PHOTOGRAPHY ACTION PLAN

  1. Capture Real Moments: Spend time observing and understanding people’s interactions at events. Focus on spontaneous moments where genuine feelings are evident.
  2. Develop Personal Style: Reflect on your life experiences and how they influence your photography. Experiment with different angles and compositions to see what uniquely resonates with you.
  3. Practice Empathic Shooting: Spend time with your subjects and get to know their stories before shooting. Create a comfortable atmosphere where subjects feel relaxed and natural.
  4. Improve Observation Skills: Photograph everyday life and practice noticing subtle emotions and body language. Review your photos critically to understand how these elements convey stories.
  5. Build Meaningful Connections: Engage in conversations with clients to learn their stories and what’s important to them. Use this knowledge to tailor your approach, ensuring the photos reflect their unique journey.

RESOURCES:
Visit Alison Conklin's Website - https://www.alisonconklin.com/
Follow Alison Conklin on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/alisonconklin

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Thanks for listening & keep shooting!

Alison Conklin:

We could all be shooting the exact same scene. We're all going to shoot it differently because your life experiences are going to give you lenses and a vision that are different than the person sitting next to you with the same gear shooting the same thing.

Raymond Hatfield:

Hey, welcome to the beginner photography podcast. I'm your host, Raymond Hatfield. And today we're chatting with photographer Alison Conklin about photographing through personal challenges, tragedy, and loss. But first, the beginner photography podcast is brought to you by CloudSpot. You can impress your clients with a beautiful gallery that is easy to view, share, and download on any device. Not everybody can say that. You can control image size, add a watermark, and download limits as well. So grab your free forever account over at deliverphotos. com today and only upgrade when you are ready. So today's guest, Allison, is a wedding photographer, but this conversation is about so much more than photography. It is about resilience. It is about strength. And if anybody knows the true value of a photograph, let me tell you, it's Allison. Allison's story, honestly, is impossible to imagine. And in fact, I think if anyone else found themselves in her shoes, they might just want to give up, and honestly, you couldn't blame them for feeling that way. As you'll hear, Allison shot a wedding the day after she died. Yeah. But despite that, she is one of the most positive people I've ever had the chance to chat with on the podcast. And today she's going to talk about pretty inventive way that she is using her camera to make the lives of those in a similar situation as her better. Let's And, despite what this intro here may sound like, this is not a woe is me story. In fact, I know you're going to leave this interview feeling empowered and so incredibly grateful. Plus I always love a good story of somebody making the world a better place. through photography. also stick around to the end where you're going to hear my biggest takeaways and learn how you can implement what Allison shares in your own work to become a better photographer yourself. So there's a lot in this one. So with that, let's go ahead and get on into today's interview with Allison Conklin. So Alison, my first question for you is, I know that you, have had a, full life, there's been a lot in photography, but I really want to know right now, when did you know that photography itself was really going to play an important role in your life?

Alison Conklin:

Yeah, that's a great question. So for me, honestly, it was, you have to imagine me as a 14 year old girl. in like the corner of a very busy house that was filled with all of my, Sicilian family members, very loud buzzing around. My mom had just died and I was put in charge of the memorial wall at her funeral. and this is obviously before Facebook and social media. and, um, parents were hobbyist photographers. They had a darkroom in their house. They were both chemists. And just loved developing film and enlarging negatives and all of that. So, my dad had this like tattered, beat up box that he like kind of dug out of his closet. And was like, hey here, you can go through these and make a wall for your mom's funeral. And, I'd never seen this box before. I knew my parents were into photography. We would have slides that my parents would show. Like they love slide film. and remember just sort of looking through this box and falling in love with these black and white, like eight by tens my parents had taken developed and printed on their own. And I fell in love with. These photos of my mom that were just candid, organic, her laughing, her eyes closed, like her cooking, just sort of And it sort of, it showed me who my parents were in a time period in which I was too young to remember, or wasn't born yet. But then also I saw these beautiful images of like the day I was born. And I just at that moment, As a 13 year old sitting in the middle of this busy house where everyone is grieving, I understood what the power of photography was. that, for me, solidified my love for photography and what it could do. And even though I had lost my mom and, I had her still and I could hear her laugh and I could, remember the way she smiled and the way she looked. And I just understood how amazing it was to have that gift. and so that was the moment that I was like, photography is always going to be part of my life.

Raymond Hatfield:

That is, extremely powerful, and thank you so much for sharing that. I'm trying to imagine myself in a similar position and obviously it's impossible to do so, but I don't know if I'd be strong enough to go through a bunch of images that I had not seen of my mom in that same situation. Do you feel like you were doing it? Do you feel like the task of creating this memory wall for your mom was, I don't want to say bigger than yourself, but do you feel like it, in a sense was a way to, shield you from the emotions that you were currently feeling? Or was it more of, a project for you to, again, best showcase who your mom was through these images that you had not seen before? I don't know if that's a fully fleshed out question. Does that make sense?

Alison Conklin:

Yeah, I think it does. And I think I understand what you're asking. I mean, if you know who I was as a 14 year old, you have to understand that I was an only child. I was a bit of like a shy kid. Yeah. and my family was like a big Italian Sicilian family, so they were all very loud. I didn't live close to them, so I wasn't used to that, because again, my mom was very sick my whole life, and my parents sort of worked as a unit, to, towards her, and so I was sort of always in the background, a little bit lonely, a little bit artsy, like, and so I think my dad knew, like, okay, Alison's not gonna feel comfortable. being kind of smothered by the attention or like, all of that. And he gave me this project. And I think for me, seeing these photos was such a gift. Even now, sometimes I'll have extended family be like, I was cleaning something out and I found this photo. of your parents. And my dad died this year too. and so it still stops me in my tracks because it's such a gift. so I think that for me, it was a little bit of, like me protecting myself, like putting myself in this corner, looking at these photos, but then also it was more of an epiphany of, I am so glad I had these because if I didn't, all I would have left would be these Olin Mills. family portraits,

Raymond Hatfield:

Right. Right.

Alison Conklin:

like undressed, like wearing clothes we would never normally wear on a regular basis and sitting uncomfortably in a studio. And what I had in front of me was truly who my mom was. And I look back over my photography career, which is, I don't know, almost 25, 26 years, realized recently that I started photography for other people. Because at that age at 14, I understood what I had. And I understood if I didn't have that how much harder the loss of my mother would have been or would be. I didn't want that to happen to anyone else. I wanted to create these images for people so that they would always have. And I don't think that a lot of my, cause you have to remember, I started shooting weddings when I was 18. So a lot of my clients were older than me and probably, maybe didn't have, and obviously didn't have a lot of the same experiences as me. so I was set out to like make the world a better place, make their lives better because someday we're all going to experience loss. We're all going to experience grief. maybe they had no idea what that was going to feel like or make sense. My idea was like, if I take these photos and I capture who these people really are, hopefully and decades and decades down the road, they'll always have them. And so I am always a proponent of leaving things better than how we found them. And I think that was what was healing to me and being able to think in some small way, maybe my photos would comfort them. Even if they couldn't remember my name. Like, they'd go, yeah, we had a wedding photographer, I don't remember who she was. They would have that one photo of, their mom watching them get married or dancing with their dad or whatever it might be. I don't know if that directly answers your question, but hopefully it does.

Raymond Hatfield:

want to know, like, from choosing to get into weddings so that you can provide this for people, I think is incredibly insightful. Like, especially for such a young age. But I'm sure that there's a lot missing that we don't know here. From, the 13 year old girl sitting there with the box of photos to Hey, I'm going to do this for other people at their wedding and showing up to your first wedding. You said that your parents were hobbyist photographers. did they teach you photography? how did you learn? I guess one, like were the technicals even important to you or was it simply, the moment?

Alison Conklin:

mean, I was always sort of in front of the camera. My parents took lots of photos of me, but it wasn't until my mom died and I fell in love with this box of photos that I was suddenly like, wait, dad, you developed these? remember, this is the time period of like one hour developing, you know, or like throw away little cameras. he's like, yeah. And I was like, wait, do you still have What is it called a dark room? Do you still have these things? And he's like, I still have the enlarger. I still have the clock. I still have the camera. I could teach you. And I'm an only child. My dad was suddenly a single father of a teenage girl and I wouldn't leave him alone. And I kept pestering him about how to take photos. And he built me a dark room in our basement. and together we went through. He first taught me how to enlarge negatives, and we went through the negatives of my parents. And so, we would watch, my mom had these, like, beautiful eyes come up, and, the developer and the toner, and, like, we would hang the pictures along a string between the washing machine and the dryer, and it was just the two of us. And my dad, you have to understand, has a doctorate. in chemistry, he's very intelligent, maybe not the best social skill. So it wasn't like my dad was going to be like, how are you feeling about the death of your mother, Alison? It was more, let's not actually talk about it, but let's do something together. And we kind of worked through our grief. He taught me photography, he taught me how to develop negatives, and we looked at so many pictures of my parents and that's what we did. And then as far as technical, I mean, the camera that they gave me was like a Canon, all manual. So I had to learn manually from day one. and that's what I did. And that's how I learned to shoot. I started taking photo classes in high school. all of my friends became my models I did a lot of senior photos and then I was hired to shoot a wedding, even though I had never even been at a wedding before in my lifetime. when I was 18.

Raymond Hatfield:

So going to that first wedding, you said earlier that like you wanted to capture something that this couple would. have forever to show them like what it is that they truly have. And, I shot weddings for 10 years myself. Like I know how difficult it can be to just show up in a location. You've kind of built a rapport with a couple, like you kind of know who they are. Maybe you've done their engagement session. You've had some conversations back and forth with them, but learning who all the people are in their life, that are important, who are going to be at this wedding. We know that maybe Uncle Bob isn't, like, so important, but, like, we know that Mom and Dad are obviously important. How do you ensure that you would capture those people, in their true element, in a way that, the couple would want to look back on in years? how did you frame those wedding days and the interactions between the couple and their friends and family?

Alison Conklin:

Yeah, that's a great question. I mean, I'm a big proponent of people watching. I think that's half of the battle. I also randomly have, a pretty significant hearing loss that I've had since I was a baby. So I'm a really good, like I can read lips and I am also so much of what I'm doing is watching your body language. So I think hard as hard of hearing is, it's definitely, increased my visual of watching people's body language, figuring out who they are, how they're feeling, what they're saying versus what their body's doing. And I was obviously watching the couple, but I was always watching to see how the parents reacting. a little fun fact about me, if you want to see me cry like a small child, it's like, show me any parent that's like when the Olympics were on cheering their kids on, I just lose it because I just think it's the most beautiful thing, probably because I wish I had that right. there's a deep part of me that like, especially this year, having both of my parents now gone, it's like, I truly wish that I had that. And I think

Raymond Hatfield:

Silence.

Alison Conklin:

and it's sometimes it's just those little things of like the way somebody looks And I sometimes I don't think that we see it in our own lives because we're so busy and we're so caught up in what's going on for ourselves. But I love being the person to be able to capture the way that dad is looking at his daughter for a second. You know, like for a brief second, just like that pride. And love, because I know when my dad died this year, I was going through photos, just looking at them and like, the first time, seeing the way that he would look at me. And it's like, in the moment, thinking of like the grocery list, the vacuuming, all the editing I have to do, everything else that have go, like, and I'm not actually, sometimes it's very hard to be present in your own life. And so I love being the one that can be sort of the recorder of other people's family members and show them that they're loved. It makes a lot of sense in my brain. Hopefully I'm getting the words properly.

Raymond Hatfield:

having seen some of your images, I see it as well. But for those listening, like, practically, what does that look like? what do you think, Sets one of your wedding images apart from anybody else. Like visually, what makes yours a signature, image?

Alison Conklin:

I'm going to hope that it's going to be something that makes you feel something, that like really makes you feel something. and sometimes it's just this tiniest little nuance, the way that someone's holding your hand or, that tiny little glance. All of those little things I think are the big things, and I'm hoping it's just truly the emotion and something that is gonna make them feel like it's something that I shot. I'm not somebody that I could say has a crazy style or a signature look. I'm trying to keep everything very timeless so that it makes sense. 10, 20 years down the road. And it's not like, Oh, we got married in the middle of the Instagram filter phase, right? Like I want these photos to make sense. and because I've been in, at this so long, I've seen all the trends, Come and go. And I think still what, is the thread for everything is truly and simply the love and the emotion. So,

Raymond Hatfield:

new photographer's portfolio, maybe they just shot their first two or three weddings. What are the images that they didn't get that you would?

Alison Conklin:

Yeah, I mean, well, first of all, kudos to going to shoot a wedding. I think half the battle is having the confidence to stand

Raymond Hatfield:

of course,

Alison Conklin:

Right. I think, you know, that idea where everyone else is doing it better than me. And sometimes you go in like, Google stalking a venue or Google stalking a photographer that you really like and like I'm trying to emulate exactly what they shot. But I had a photo class once and they said to me, We could all be shooting the exact same scene. We're all going to shoot it differently because your life experiences are going to give you lenses and a vision that are different than the person sitting next to you. With the same gear shooting the same thing and I think it's remembering that like obviously you are attracted to photography the art of photography For some reason you're picking up a camera and I'm assuming it's not just you know a job because certainly it's a very Hard job to do but you're picking up a camera because you love it for some reason and I think it's drawing on What makes you you personally like? Why are you picking up a camera? And I think it's remembering that and it's not trying to copy another photo that you saw or going off the Pinterest board or, creating the image that's on the website. Like it just needs to come from a pure place. And I think it will give you the longevity in a career is truly just being honest to who you are.

Raymond Hatfield:

How long do you think it took you to find that?

Alison Conklin:

you have to remember that I started when the internet was just a baby little thing. So

Raymond Hatfield:

you didn't have much to reference, yeah.

Alison Conklin:

did not have much to reference. but then there was a time where I got caught up in like, Oh wait, I needed to look to see what everyone else is doing. And so you do get lost along the way that's that confidence that you have to build. I barely sort of look at things now in terms of like, what's everyone else doing at this venue? I'm sort of like, really, that's secondary to, I always say that. you could be the greatest, best person to create the most beautiful light and know how to like, light something amazingly perfect. But if your couple is standing there like miserable, it doesn't

Raymond Hatfield:

Yeah.

Alison Conklin:

your lighting is. really, truly what matters is that you've caught a moment. That's real. Or you've, gotten your. clients to be so comfortable that they're just happy to be, they're taking your direction. and you're feeling something with what you're taking photos of. think that that's like the most important thing is really just like how you're walking into a wedding and how you're treating people and the words you say are powerful, over making sure everything is proper and absolutely perfect. Not that exposure is not important, but like you don't need to get so caught up in like I have a three light setup all time. It's

Raymond Hatfield:

Yeah, I've told this story on the podcast before that the first wedding that I shot, I was so consumed with getting it technically perfect that I shot the whole first dance at a half a second shutter speed, because I wanted the lowest like grain like I wanted to shoot at the lowest ISO, and it was after I sent a couple of those photos. By the way. almost all of them were unusable from their first dance and they used the photo from a friend's 2012 cell phone camera as their like profile photo rather than one of mine I immediately realized, Oh, I'd rather take a blurry photo or a grainy photo over a blurry photo any day of the week. it really is the ends justify the means when it comes to like capturing that moment. It doesn't matter what the technicals are. They used us like they chose a cell phone photo over mine. You know what I mean?

Alison Conklin:

Right

Raymond Hatfield:

I think that that really helped frame for me kind of exactly what you're saying there. It's like yeah, it's important yeah, it's great to get a technically exposed shot. But at the end of the day if you didn't get the moment Nobody's gonna care. Nobody's gonna remember this photo. It's you wasted your time essentially. So And I only know this because I've listened to a number of episodes, a podcast of yours trying to prepare for this interview. But the entire time as a wedding photographer, you had this kind of looming cloud over your head with health issues as well. Can you talk a little bit about that and what that meant for you as a wedding photographer?

Alison Conklin:

yeah, so you should know okay, so my mom died at I was 14, but in that same year, five months prior to her death at the age of 13, I was diagnosed with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, which is the same disease that she had and that took her life. And so I was diagnosed. She dies a few months later. and I have always sort of thought, okay, I'm not like when I was diagnosed, they were like, you have the same heart as your mother. And as a 13 year old, I have no idea what that means, except like now I've watched her die. So she died at 42. I always think I'm going to die at 42. I'm shooting weddings with a heart disease. I have a defibrillator implanted. I'm shooting like there was, I've never actually shared this story, but I had a wedding. Um, Yeah. in Bethlehem and then Maine. And the day before the Bethlehem wedding in Pennsylvania, dropped dead. it was the exact same situation that happened to me and my mom, except cause she died in our kitchen, with just her and I together. And I, tried to give her CPR and I had to call 911. same thing happened to myself and my youngest son when I took him to go get his braces. Had the same deadly heart rhythm, but I had an ICD implanted. So I, lived and I still went the next day and shot a wedding and then drove to Maine and shot another wedding. so I did a lot of crazy things I was sick, I was sick, but I was still shooting weddings. I was shooting weddings up until, October 8th was the last wedding I shot in 2022, and October 10th I was admitted to the hospital to wait for a heart transplant.

Raymond Hatfield:

Oh my gosh.

Alison Conklin:

So I know I didn't fill in a lot of the gaps there, but I also have had two brain tumors where I went blind, and they weren't sure if I was going to get my vision back. that's the hard part about photography. I don't think they, or wedding photography per se, because like you're agreeing to be somewhere, years later, like a year,

Raymond Hatfield:

Yeah.

Alison Conklin:

in advance. It's like, yeah, I could definitely be there. And like the day that my dad died, I shot a wedding. yeah, there's the hard part about that. That's the dark side

Raymond Hatfield:

Okay, so.

Alison Conklin:

I know. Where

Raymond Hatfield:

Yes, so.

Alison Conklin:

I've totally lost the reins.

Raymond Hatfield:

Okay, hold on. So, uh, first. I've rescheduled podcast interviews because I've had a headache. And the fact that you're like, no, this is, I'm going to drive and shoot weddings after the day that I died is, incredible. let's tackle the waking up blind part first, because I would imagine as a photographer, that's got to be pretty scary. tell me about waking up and being blind. Oh

Alison Conklin:

And then one day I literally woke up and I could only see a ninja slice in my vision. And I remember saying to my husband, I was like, I don't, I feel like I can't see anything. Like, I can't really see. He's like, what are you talking about? I was like, don't worry about it. Cause I was like, maybe I'm just tired. I'm like rubbing my eyes. And then finally he's like, you know what? You need to go to the eye doctor. let's go to the eye doctor. I'm downplaying. I'm a really good down player and toxic trait. and I go and they do this test

Raymond Hatfield:

my

Alison Conklin:

like peripheral vision. And usually you have like a small, tiny little path. It's completely black. And the doctor was like, are you joking? I was like, joking about what? He's like, can't see. I was like, no, I can't see anything. He's like, yeah, you need to go to the emergency. Like, why are you here? Go to the emergency room. So my husband drove us to the emergency room and then they did some cat scans and like, yeah, you have a golf sized, brain tumor sitting on your optic

Raymond Hatfield:

gosh.

Alison Conklin:

And I was like, no, I'm supposed to shoot a wedding this weekend. they're like, yeah, if you don't take this out today, we can't even guarantee at this point, you're going to get your sight back. And I was like, wait, what, what are you talking about? And so obviously I had to have emergency brain surgery. And then that tumor ended up coming back five years later, but to be in

Raymond Hatfield:

So, so the same thing happened again. You woke up again. Um,

Alison Conklin:

it didn't go blind the second time they were constantly watching it and it just

Raymond Hatfield:

yeah.

Alison Conklin:

and they were like, it's back. So then the second time, not as traumatic, but I had to have surgery again. Yeah, casually.

Raymond Hatfield:

Okay, I don't want you to downplay this as a professional down player. Okay, because,

Alison Conklin:

Yeah.

Raymond Hatfield:

we'll get into the heart, obviously, as well. but the idea of losing sight when your job, your livelihood, this thing that you've decided to dedicate your life to. Had to have been terrifying I don't even know like what to ask Like how did you prepare for that wedding because i'm assuming that you didn't shoot that wedding you had to get somebody else Okay. Yeah, so

Alison Conklin:

somebody else. Yep. I was basically rolled into emergency brain surgery and like I got to meet the surgeon. I couldn't see the surgeon, but she held my hand and she was like, we're going to do the best we can. I, I can't guarantee you're going to get your sight back. And I was like, listen, I was like. Okay. even now it makes me cry. I just, I don't want to die. Like I have two young sons. I'm trying to do everything I can to be here for them this poor woman was like, just came in to kind of like, give me the, you know, we're going to do our best speech. And I'm like, you don't understand. I have like a seven year old and I have an eight year old and I need to be here for them. And she was like, okay. and then I was wheeled in and, and that was it. And I remember the surgery was a long time. It was a long. quite a few hours and was evening by the time I was rolled out. I think it was like probably the middle of the night and my family was only, I was in the ICU so they were only allowed to come in two at a time and they were so afraid to be like, can you see anything? And I remember I opened my eyes and I could see the clock on the wall And I remember like, it was my husband and my aunt who came in and they were like, Oh my God, you can see the, you can like see something. Everybody was, we all like were so relieved. I get super emotional talking about it now because it's just, I don't even know how to explain what would have happened to my life if it would have

Raymond Hatfield:

Yeah.

Alison Conklin:

different trajectory, obviously, but. But I survived.

Raymond Hatfield:

loss that it seems. so terrifying. Like, there's this idea, I suppose, that like, if you know that it's coming, maybe you can prepare. but, once it's gone, it's gone. And, I don't know if it's different knowing that like, all this happened in the course of, I'm guessing like 48 hours, when you woke up to the time to where you were into surgery and all that. What did you think afterwards? Did you think like, congratulations? Like now I can complete my life's mission of, capturing these, moments, these memories for others that was it just like going back to work? What, where were you at from there?

Alison Conklin:

I mean, I took a couple weeks off because I had to, because they had gone through my nose. It was very Egyptian because of obviously being on my, optic nerve. but then I landed back in the hospital with complications, but eventually, yeah, I went back to work and I. I mean, did it without missing a beat, which is of great. And also kind of probably there's some sort of diagnosis in that, but I just think that it's constantly a reminder. You do not know what the next day is going to hold. I mean, now more than ever, as this, my story has progressed, my life has progressed. don't take stuff for granted.

Raymond Hatfield:

Yeah,

Alison Conklin:

freaking day. That is success. That is, doesn't matter what's going on with anything else in my life. If I get to talk to those three people in the same room, it's a good day.

Raymond Hatfield:

well, that, perfectly brings us into, your new venture here, Bonus which I have right here, this new magazine. you touched upon the heart transplant there.

Alison Conklin:

Casually as one does, yes.

Raymond Hatfield:

Casually. Um, I don't know if we need to get into whole medical background of that because, I feel like what we've learned so far is, I mean, you pretty much summed it up really well right there to being present and, trying to be there for your people, like that's what makes a good day. But I want to know, obviously you talked about the heart transplant, so that kind of touches upon bonus days. Tell me where this idea for bonus days came from and tell me, what the magazine is.

Alison Conklin:

Yeah. So I'm so excited about this. It's like a passion project and I could talk about it all day. So how long do you have?

Raymond Hatfield:

All day.

Alison Conklin:

all day. All right, good. so when I was told that I needed a heart transplant, was told I had six months to live, and I had to sit through an intake meeting. Now, not everybody gets an intake meeting when they're told they have a diagnosis like this. And I remember thinking, and my husband and I looking at each other like, Well, that was horrible. Maybe it's better if we just roll the dice to see how long you live. maybe this isn't the life that you are going to want. which I know sounds ridiculous, but you had to be there in that meeting. then once it happened, my Friends didn't know what to say to me because honestly, I don't think unless you know somebody that's been through transplant or unless you yourself have been through it, all you know is probably TV shows that you've watched on like Grey's Anatomy.

Raymond Hatfield:

Yep.

Alison Conklin:

Yeah. it's not that it's beautiful, but it is hard. The first year was the hardest year of my life and nobody knew what to say to me. So they would say, Hey, Alison, just join a Facebook group. I was like, okay. So I joined a Facebook group and it was horrible. and I get it. I mean, I know why everyone is upset and sad and miserable and like, but there's so much misinformation and it was just not for me. And I couldn't at the point of like one or two months post transplant be at a spot where I was reading horrible outcomes because I was terrified of what my life was going to look like when I left those hospital doors. And when you're in the hospital for days, it turns into weeks. It turns into months. You're scrolling your phone, watching everybody else live their lives, seemingly perfectly, which we know is not true, but like, you know, you're scrolling through everyone's highlights and I'm sitting there in a hospital room or I'm watching everybody out the window, living their life I'm reading magazines about celebrities or I'm reading articles about how to stay healthy. And I'm like, well, what about me? Like I never really had the choice. So it was sort of like. with this thing. And mean that my life is terrible. And I bet you there are a lot of beautiful stories out there. So I was like, I love magazines. I've been working in magazines whole career. I work for a local magazine here and where I live that I love that I work every month for. I've had, the cover of Martha Stewart weddings. I've been in brides national, like I've been in, you know, flower, like I've been in national magazines, worked with local magazines, love magazines. I love the whole thing. I'm also a kid. Born in 1980. So I love holding a magazine. and I said to someone in January, I'm thinking about starting a magazine all about transplant chronic illness for their caregivers, for donors and donor families. And she was like, I'll help you with that. And I was like, wait, really? And so in January we started dreaming about it. She's a graphic designer, I'm not a graphic designer. She's amazing at it. She's the one who did that magazine. And I just started finding people that I knew, putting this together. And so it's stories of people who have been through hard things, but beautiful things have come out of it. So, and I'm not trying to make it toxic positive, but I'm, trying to show people that no matter what your diagnosis is, your life can absolutely still be beautiful. If you want to be miserable. Cool. I get it. You can

Raymond Hatfield:

Cool.

Alison Conklin:

like that. I love that for you, but you don't have to be. and I think that's what I wanted to share. And again, if I was going to be part of the transplant community, I wanted to leave it better than when I found it. And to me, my answer was a magazine. So that's sort of what it was birthed out of.

Raymond Hatfield:

Tell me about the title. Um,

Alison Conklin:

day post transplant, a bonus day. Cause I shouldn't be here. Right. And I am here. I'm here because doctors and nurses are studied and put the time in. I'm here because someone said yes when they clicked their driver's license and their family agreed to their wishes. And so I call it a bonus day. Today is bonus day 680 post transplant. I write it on a calendar every morning and my husband will say, Hey, happy bonus day. So glad you're here. so that just felt like the perfect title. and it doesn't have to be that you have to have a transplant or some crazy, like every day could be a bonus day because we don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. So like, if you look at it as this is amazing, I'm so glad to be here today. Sure. Life could be falling apart in areas, but like, it's a beautiful thing to be alive. So that's where that name comes from.

Raymond Hatfield:

one thing that struck me when, by the way, you sent this to me, and thank you so much for this. Going through here, I believe all of the images are done by you, or the majority of the stories, the images are done by you,

Alison Conklin:

Yep.

Raymond Hatfield:

and it's so interesting that, like, I could see going to a dark place very easily, having to go through this, as you said, Facebook groups are full of them, so obviously people can relate to that, I would imagine, but the images that are in this magazine have a A quality that is, One, extremely powerful, but also really vulnerable. And I don't know if that's done intentionally, if that's just who you are as a photographer, but could you talk to me a little bit about that?

Alison Conklin:

Yeah, I mean, well, thank you for seeing that in the work. I mean, I like the cover girl. she's amazing.

Raymond Hatfield:

Yeah, what a story.

Alison Conklin:

it? I mean, it's just,

Raymond Hatfield:

Of course.

Alison Conklin:

it with of a small understanding of what has happened to them. and I really want to capture it not in like a, a false way, if that makes sense. So It's after like spending some time with them, like even yesterday, I drove to Brooklyn and I was photographing an incredible story of two friends. One needed a liver. The other one was her living liver donor, in their 30s. And we spent some time talking before I just picked up a camera because suddenly like for me, The camera is just a projection of my body, like, it just feels like part of me, but it becomes this thing that's between us, between me and the person I'm photographing. So it's like, how do I make this object that is obviously necessary to take a photo of disappear? And I don't know if you've ever, like, experienced that or thought that way, but like, so I'm just trying to be like, hey, I'm like honoring you and your story and like wanting to get to know you and show you in a beautiful light. And I just want to see like, everyone wants to be seen. Everyone wants to be seen and loved for who they are for all of it. I think if you can reach that point with your clients or the people that are standing in front of your camera, going to have a beautiful image regardless of. the location is insane or the lighting is absolutely perfect. But if you get to a point where you can truly see who your client is, you're going to

Raymond Hatfield:

How do we do that? You had said like, spend some time get to know them and one I absolutely Resonate with that. That's actually why I switched to Fuji Just so that I would have a smaller camera in front of my face. That wouldn't be so intrusive and it was very helpful that way but like at a more personal level Would you do this at weddings as well like practically What does this look like? Is it 10 minutes together? Is it 30 minutes? Is it Talking about our vulnerabilities? Is it asking them their deepest darkest secrets? how do you break down those walls?

Alison Conklin:

mean, that's a great question. I mean, I think it truly starts from the minute you speak to a potential client. And most importantly, it also starts within the minute you walk into bridal prep or, whatever you're walking into to photograph and the energy that you're putting out. a lot of times clients will say, you were so calming, thank you so much for being so calm and like this chaos of a day, because like, especially wedding photography, like I'm hanging out with them all day. Like I'm the person probably standing next to them more than anybody else besides their, partner.

Raymond Hatfield:

You also know them the least

Alison Conklin:

Exactly.

Raymond Hatfield:

everybody at their wedding day, it's so weird

Alison Conklin:

Yes, I know it is, and I think I draw upon body language. I put my story out there, which was terrifying, which I haven't always done, but I have so recently, and I find that just being authentically who I am. I had a client last year who said to me, the pictures you take are absolutely incredible. And this is why we hired you. But You are more powerful in just being who you are than you are in the photos you take and I just thought that I like that stuck with me so much and that's everybody right you have your stories you have what has made you who you are and why you're sitting here right now and that's beautiful and that's powerful because like again we could all be looking at the same thing and see it a hundred thousand different ways because of your experiences and who you were as a kid and I think it's truly just Not being ashamed of that. If that makes sense. Yeah.

Raymond Hatfield:

does and I appreciate you sharing that but I also want to ask because like we don't really talk a lot about gear here on the podcast because as you know, it's like the gear, it matters so much and then it doesn't really matter. I know that you also shoot a lot of GFX you shoot, medium format with And in my head, my first thought was, well, that makes the camera bigger right like if the majority of images are going to be seen on a screen. Does that really matter? I haven't personally shot anything GFX. So like, can you talk about that a bit? Because that does introduce a whole nother role there to this equation of trying to connect with somebody, but then also having this, relatively large camera in front of their face, which honestly is probably the same size as any full frame, DSLR camera. But,

Alison Conklin:

hmm.

Raymond Hatfield:

yeah, what does that mean for you in your photography?

Alison Conklin:

Yeah. Well, first of all, I mean, I love Fujifilm. I fell in love with Fujifilm simply for the science, the color science and how beautiful it is, how easy it was to shoot. intuitive all the buttons were. But for me, when I knew that they were coming out with a medium format, I was like, Oh, I have to try this. So I picked it up and, I fell in love. And I think for me, what I love specifically about the GFX is I love the way the medium format pictures look. And it gives me a little bit of a difference between everybody else who's maybe shooting the same gear, right? There are a lot of people who are shooting full frame. Canon, Nikon, you know, all that stuff, Sony, but there's something very different about the GFX and it has that depth and that grit and a little bit more of that, like artsy ness that I crave in my images that kind of give it more of that, what I hope and what I see it as of a soul or like a feeling. and I mean, it's still relatively small, obviously it's not as small as like the X T5 or like My beloved X 100 series, but it is my absolute favorite. You need to try it. I don't know if which camera system like stores are near you, but you need to go and make them to get it so you can try it.

Raymond Hatfield:

Okay, well, I take that back. I guess I have shot a few images, I guess, in that sense, like at a camera store, but nothing like out in the field. But I just, I shoot, I still have two X Pro2s, and I hope that I'm buried with these cameras because, like, I love them so much. And, When the X100V first came out, I, pre ordered it and I got it and I loved it. And I feel like there was just this time in my life, through the pandemic where, like, I just felt my most creative self. I don't know if it was because, like, we had the space of not shooting weddings and you just needed to shoot something or what, but it's like I ended up selling it because, well the postcard that I sent you with the to create those, I call them, just like a photo stitch as you saw, right? To create those, you need a little bit longer of a focal length, so I thought like, I'll just go back to my X Pro2s. So I sold it like a big dummy. Literally the next day, the whole world is like, what's this? And then prices skyrocketed. But anyway, and now I can't get my hand on another one. but for the X Pro2, it's like, I love the range finder feel. And it's like, I would love to get my hands on a 50R, but that's discontinued now and that's older technology and I try to keep telling myself, I remember going from crop sensor Canon, like the 40D to the 5D Mark II. Thinking, Oh, when I go full frame, it's just going to blow my mind. the quality of my images are going to like, it's going to be amazing. And I was still taking the exact same photos. there was a little bit more, depth. obviously it was wider, but fundamentally they were the same photos. And I'm nervous that, I'd make the investment into the GFX system. And still get the same photos. Did you feel that way at all?

Alison Conklin:

I didn't. I mean, cause right now when I shoot a wedding, I have a GFX on one hip and the XT five on the other.

Raymond Hatfield:

Oh, really? And you can combine the two images together and they work?

Alison Conklin:

They work. They were great. But yeah, I mean the X pros, I mean, I love that. I can totally see why you love your pro two, as you said, the pro two. Yeah. yeah. I mean, for me, the GFX gives me, like if you're looking at Carolyn's piece in that magazine, that open, to spread. Well, first of all, that image of her in her wheelchair, I love, love, love. And then that one where there's flowers on her face and it's a side profile. And then there's like a, quote,

Raymond Hatfield:

Yeah.

Alison Conklin:

me screams medium format GFX. I don't think I could have gotten it with any other camera. and I love the company itself. I mean, and that's a big

Raymond Hatfield:

Of course.

Alison Conklin:

to know who I'm giving my money to, and I

Raymond Hatfield:

Yeah.

Alison Conklin:

in what they believe in and I do, and they're amazing. So. for life.

Raymond Hatfield:

Fujifilm for life. I was just thinking about getting that tattoo, actually. Uh, funny you say that. No, I'm just kidding. My lower back, maybe? Yeah, forehead. That'll be better. I want to ask another question about, Caroline's piece here, because, on the cover, she's sitting in the back of a truck, right? She's not, she doesn't have her wheelchair. And on the inside, just about all the photos. She is in her wheelchair. So, can you talk a little bit about, well, I guess one, I don't really know her mobility. I don't know if she uses the wheelchair just for assistance or if she like requires it. But, can you talk about like the balance of highlighting this thing that makes you different

Alison Conklin:

Right.

Raymond Hatfield:

being the wheelchair, but also not letting it Define you as a person through images because obviously when you go through a magazine that's going to be the first thing that you look at and you're going to make a subconscious, yeah opinion like based on that right away. So balance that?

Alison Conklin:

Yeah. So she is permanently disabled from, she was on ECMO, which is a life saving, of life thing that they do, she ended up having a spinal stroke and being completely paralyzed from her hips down. And then she had to get a transplant like the next day. so when we were thinking about cover, I had this idea of a truck, but I was so like, I wasn't sure how she was going to feel first of all, not being in her chair. And if. want to offend her in any way. And because I've never really experienced anybody firsthand in a wheelchair, I was really careful. but I asked her, I ended up being like, Hey, I was like, are you comfortable with this? There's no wrong answer. If you're not. We won't do this. She's like, Oh, absolutely. Because she is out of her chair when she goes to PT, but it's not like she can, she can't walk. so she was comfortable. And I just asked her, I didn't like come out of the gate and ask her, I was like, we need a rapport. I need her to trust me. And then I asked, but I almost put the picture of her in her wheelchair on the cover. I loved it so much. And the only reason I didn't is because it took forever to find a truck. Like if I could just explain to you how hard it was to

Raymond Hatfield:

Really

Alison Conklin:

and then I had to get a florist. but I could have totally not even done any of that and been happy with everything else. that was the only reason I went with it just because procuring the truck was a task. But it's honestly just creating a moment where you can feel, you can feel like you can ask those vulnerable questions.

Raymond Hatfield:

Mm hmm. Yeah, I think that's something that I would have a delicate line, towing. do you think that the experiences that you've gone through have helped you to navigate that better? Knowing, like, what is personal to me and what is not? How I want to define myself?

Alison Conklin:

Yeah, I definitely do. Because, and even before I had written her story, I had said, Hey, just so you know, we're going to, set up this interview. And I was like, I am going to touch on what has happened to you, it does not define who you Carolyn are. so you know, I'm not going to retraumatize you and make you tell me everything. Cause I can read these things and interviews and I'll ask you if I need to fill in any blanks, but I went at it like, yeah, had a heart transplant. Yes. You're in a wheelchair. Yes. You've had cancer. It doesn't define who you are as a person. And I think that's the big part. It's like, I am not defined by my heart transplant

Raymond Hatfield:

Mm hmm.

Alison Conklin:

the death of my parents or the brain tumor. Like. It has made me who I am. It does not define who I am. and I think that's a big part in the chronic illness community. It's like, we have this thing that affects us every hour of every day, but it does not make us who we are. And that goes back to the full circle of, everyone wants to be seen for exactly who they are, and loved and appreciated for who they

Raymond Hatfield:

that's what people want to do. I think that's what photographers want to do as well. Like, that's what they want to capture. People want that. Photographers want to capture that. but it's one thing to be able to capture. I appreciate you sharing all of your tips as far as like how to build a connection and, choosing the right gear for you and, all of these things. but like you also turned this into a magazine, right? you are taking. the life experiences and the, personal pain that you've been through as well as others and are using it to change the world, to make other people feel better, about their situation, like, what tips do you have for maybe listeners to do the same thing if maybe a magazine isn't right for them, like, does it have to be a magazine, what could we do with our images?

Alison Conklin:

It could be anything and it could be blogs. It could be Instagrams. It could be, you know, like think about humans of New York and how that turned into something so beautiful. I mean, I think it's truly just not shying away because for so long, for so many years I was like, if anybody finds out that I need a heart transplant no one is going to hire me or if anybody finds out that I have a heart disease, no one's going to, I hid all of that. And that is such a big part of who I am and why I am the way I am. Yeah. And I. Just like we want to be seen for who I am as a whole and so I think if you can just Literally if you like, you know, what's really important to me and whatever life experience you've had Think about how you can make that situation better. And then that's where I you know Have come up with the magazine idea just from the hours of being in the hospital But like there's lots of ways to make the world a better place And I think it's really thinking about what would make the situation that I'm very knowledgeable in better So I hope that answers your question, but I think it's

Raymond Hatfield:

It does.

Alison Conklin:

okay

Raymond Hatfield:

no one size fits all answer, right? There's no, like, oh, we'll just bring up some 4x6s and give them to everybody. it truly is a personal journey. And, like, the question that I asked you was very direct. But, the answer had to be, a bit, larger than that. Uh, so, no, I, I do appreciate that. And I think that, that listeners are gonna, Take that for what they will and they should, I want people to also use their cameras to make a change in the world and hearing from people who have done it is what I love so much about this podcast, being able to have these conversations because sometimes it does feel big, to be able to do that. Sometimes it feels scary to, approach somebody or, or Me personally, I have this feeling of like, who am I? who am I to tell this story? this isn't my story to tell, this is somebody else's story. Which is why I like doing the podcast. I want you to tell your story. You know, not me. I want you to tell the story. But I feel like this is kind of my way of doing it. Because it's like, The podcast is more of a platform than to allow others to share their story, which can then help others rather than me being like, Hey, guess who I found today and guess what they went through. And here's what they did. Now you go do the same. Cause that's not as fun. That's not impactful. That's not as important. And then I don't get to have fun conversations like this with awesome people like yourself. So, you did answer the question. So that was perfect. Having never had a transplant myself, having never been in the situations that you have been in, or created a magazine, I'm wondering is there anything that I didn't ask you today that you want to make sure that listeners know?

Alison Conklin:

I think it was a great interview. hopefully I answered it properly But I think that like honestly, it's truly just following your heart and following What you are truly passionate about. I mean, life is so short. And so if you have a dream, go for it and maybe it won't go anywhere. And again, maybe my magazine won't go anywhere. I've committed to doing four, like a whole year of it and seeing if I can get it off the ground. but I'm so glad I'm doing it. And I think that's the thing. It's just like, it's always going to be a no, if you don't try. So if you have something that's sort of like, eating inside of you that you're like, I really want to do this. I encourage you to just do it. Life is short. You don't know. And you never know who needs the things that you're going to put out there. So like, just go for it. what's the worst that can happen? Somebody tells you, no, that's okay. Big deal.

Raymond Hatfield:

The answer is always going to be no if you don't go for it. that's going to be my tattoo instead. That's what I'm going to get. That was great. thank you for that. I know that people are listening and they're like, Wow, she's gone through some crazy stuff. I want to see some of these images. Alison, where is the best place to find you online so that listeners can do that?

Alison Conklin:

Yeah. Oh well, thanks. my wedding website is Alison conlin.com, one L and Alison and bonus days. the website is bonus days mag.com and my Instagram is Alison Conklin.

Raymond Hatfield:

Perfect. Alison, I'm going to put links to all those things in the show notes.

Alison Conklin:

Thanks.

Raymond Hatfield:

coming on today.

Alison Conklin:

Oh, thank you for having me. It was so fun.

Raymond Hatfield:

What did I tell you? So, so, so, so much. Let's recap what we learned today. Number one, capture real moments over technical perfection. Allison emphasized the importance of focusing on genuine emotions and genuine interactions because they are what create timeless images that are what will deeply resonate with people, you know, your clients. Remember the heart of a photograph is capturing the essence of the moment. Who cares about the technicals if you don't have the moment? Takeaway number two, follow your personal vision. Alison encouraged us, and really all photographers to stay true to their personal vision and shoot from an authentic place, rather than just simply copying what others are doing, because it looks pretty when you do this, you will not only boost your confidence, but it also is going to set your work apart as uniquely your own. And lastly, celebrate life and make a positive impact because of Allison's experiences with health challenges, she created a new magazine, bonus days, because there was simply nothing else out there that was serving her and the thousands of others in a, similar situation to what she found herself in, in this time of need. So this is a reminder of the power of photography and personal storytelling and how they can make a positive impact. difference. So think, what can you do with your camera to not only celebrate life, but also inspire others. I want to hear your biggest takeaway from today's interview with Allison in our free and amazing beginner photography podcast community, which you can join right now by heading over to beginner photopod. com forward slash group. That is it for today. Until next time, remember the more that you shoot today, the better of a photographer you will be tomorrow. Talk soon.